So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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