Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
