I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
