Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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