btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
