dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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