We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
