my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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