i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
