I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
