just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
