My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have fence marks all over my body
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
