so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
