so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my being single is dangerous.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
