That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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