hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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