i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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