I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
