out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
