what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
