no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
