I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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