Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
