Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
