omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize