turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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