just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
