the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
