god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
