don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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