Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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