just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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