Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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