no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
