I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
