it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
