I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize