Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
