At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she pinky promised me she was 18
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
