Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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