I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize