Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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