don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
