When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Come see our sink grown plant.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
