I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
