I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
