You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
