Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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