I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Pooping to opera.
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