He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
