I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
