We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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