Already got asked if we're dating
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
