That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
