my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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