Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
