the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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