idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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