i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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