i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
