yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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