Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
