No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
