i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
too bad you live with your parents still
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
