i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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