What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
