I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
