Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
