Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
