Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
